// he followed thru with the punching bag thing :D//

though it was basically ‘princess for a weekend’… which is nice. 

:’) gosh i love him.

// you’ve got a keeper when…//

he offers to be your punching bag for that time of the month. 

// update.//

i really am actually shit at keeping up this blog eh? beyond being skyped all the time i don’t think anyone would really ever know what’s going on with me besides marc. (who can now see this which is scary/exciting/yay <- that’s an adjective). 

um it’s been so long i don’t even know where to start. nothing really exciting happened after i went to nottingham to see marc. i went back to notts about a week later to see florence + the machine with chloe, who is from western and on an exchange here, which was amazing. we made t-shirts and they were awesome and we were in the mosh pit for the entire concert and skjfhlkjsdf. she was so good :D 

then friday was bod’s got talent and shanna was doing a belly dance routine so she asked me to film it for her/be her cheerleader so i went. it was a good time. lots of talent in res apparently but am i shocked? they’re all british so no. they also did this take me out thing which was amusing too… poor shanna got hooked up with this really gawky/nerdy type guy which isn’t her type at all but it’s her fault for not popping the balloon haha.

um then saturday i went back to notts to see marc and was ‘shitting myself’ as he says about meeting his parents. it really wasn’t that bad i was just having minor panic attacks to ensure everything was okay and i made a good impression and they liked me. i missed the bus though, which was awful. i ran up to it and the driver looked at me and kept backing up - asshole. so i went to see if there was another coach out of there but not until 1 which got me into notts at 3 which sucked because i really wanted to see marc. desperately. i missed him like mad so i went to go to the rail station and yet another asshole bus driver had me in tears so i went and cried in the toilets before going to the rail station. got there and managed to catch a no change train to notts at 11 which got me there at 1 (hah take that national express). on the train ride santa clause was checking me out the entire time which was sort’ve creepy. as we pulled in he got up and was like ‘i hope you don’t mind me saying this but you’re the most beautiful girl i’ve ever seen. it’s been a pleasure.’ i’m sure it has. we pulled in and it took a lot of self control to not run up the stairs and find marc but when i saw him i just hugged him while he laughed at me. 

spending the weekend with him was amazing. (and i say weekend lightly cos it was less than 48 hours ;_______;) but it was still amazing. his parents are wonderful, i really like them and i think they like me too. he says they do so… i’ll trust him :) we didn’t really do anything exciting except spend time together which is all i wanted. i liked just lying in bed hugging and touching and being next to him. i couldn’t have ever imagined i would like simple things like that until i had them and i understand why they mean as much as they do to people. we went out sat night to a greek restaurant with his parents and had this delicious meal i did not have enough room for but it was such fun. 

the canadian prude in me was rearing it’s ugly head every time we kissed cos i’d get this knot in my stomach like i should not be kissing, let alone making out, with their son right in front of them. i’d NEVER do that in front of my mum but i was drunk and he was keen so i went with it. and that was another thing, i was trying my hardest to stay on my best behaviour while my entire body was going numb from alcohol and yet his parents were just as drunk as us. lol. 

i still can’t believe they laughed when his dad fell down the steps and neither of them went to help him. poor guy had a huge scrape on his knee the next day and they still had a good chuckle about it. some family :P 

sunday we lazed in bed for a while, we were both exhausted and a tad hungover (although him more than me, i was mostly tired but wide awake). we had a delicious sunday dinner which was like… thanksgiving and amazing. i was making noises as i was eating and marc just kept laughing at me. it was so good. sooooooo goooooooooood. i forgot to take a photo - sorry. 

we then watched robin hood: prince of thieves because i apparently can’t be spending so much time in nottingham without knowing the true story of robin hood (hey now, men in tights is preeeeeety accurate lol i totes bet they sung about their tights). come time to leave i didn’t really want to. and he didn’t want me to either but i had class the next day. leaving or saying goodbye is my least favourite part for obvious reasons. and at least one of us usually cries… usually me.

it’s kinda crazy to me how quickly and strongly i’ve fallen for him. there are small reservations that are there constantly in the back of my head but their voice is so small while the rest of me (head and heart) is telling me to trust this - trust him because i can. i do know he’s made me happier than i’ve really ever been. happier than when i met the boondock saints or after i came back from cuba or finding out i WAS going to england… i smile all the time during the day during random intervals. i think of him and a smile comes to my face. usually i have one of those infamously long trains of thoughts and he manages to get his way into it and i think about just how much i DO love him. and it’s a lot. he’s up there with my family now. and he knows me because in some strange inexplicable way it feels like i’ve always known him. soulmates is what we say, fate, destiny, etc. i think it is. how could someone know me as well as he does in 18 days? how could he pick up on things about me that for most of my life other people just have never caught on about in a way that my mum or aunt does? 

i’m glad i waited for… everything. these firsts couldn’t have been as perfect and amazing with someone else as they have been with him. 

i love him. deal with it. 

greenteaanddietcokes:

50 Things You Need To Give Up Today

1. Give up trying to be perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.  
2. Give up comparing yourself to others. – The only person you are competing against is yourself.
3. Give up dwelling on the past or worrying too much about the future. – Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you.  Right now is life.  Don’t miss it.
4. Give up complaining. – Do something about it.
5. Give up holding grudges. – Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.
6. Give up waiting. – What we don’t start today won’t be finished by tomorrow.  Knowledge and intelligence are both useless without action.
7. Give up lying. – In the long-run the truth always reveals itself.  Either you own up to your actions or your actions will ultimately own you.
8. Give up trying to avoid mistakes. – The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.
9. Give up saying, “I can’t.” – As Henry Ford put it, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.”
10. Give up trying to be everything to everyone. – Making one person smile can change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  Start small.  Start now.
11. Give up thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
12. Give up setting small goals for yourself. – Many people set small goals because they’re afraid to fail.  Ironically, setting these small goals is what makes them fail.
13. Give up trying to do everything by yourself. – You are the sum of the people you spend the most time with.  If you work together, you will be far more capable and powerful than you ever could have been alone.
14. Give up buying things you don’t need. – Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you.  Do not spend to impress others.  Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects. 
15. Give up blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can live your dream life depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
16. Give up making mountains out of molehills. – One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
17. Give up trying to live up to the expectations of others. – Work on it for real and exceed your own expectations.  Everything else will fall into place.
18. Give up the ‘easy street’ mentality. – There is too much emphasis on finding a ‘quick fix’ in today’s society.  For example taking diet pills to lose weight instead of exercising and eating well.  No amount of magic fairy dust replaces diligent, focused, hard work.
19. Give up making promises you can’t keep. – Don’t over-promise.  Over-deliver on everything you do.
20. Give up letting your thoughts and feelings bottle up inside. – People are not mind readers.  They will never know how you feel unless you tell them.
21. Give up beating around the bush. – Say what you mean and mean what you say.  Communicate effectively.
22. Give up avoiding change. – However good or bad a situation is now, it will change.  That’s the one thing you can count on.  So embrace change and realize that change happens for a reason.  It won’t always be easy or obvious at first, but in the end it will be worth it.
23. Give up your sense of entitlement. – Nobody is entitled to anything in this world.  We are all equal.  We breathe the same air.  We get what we give.  We get what we earn.
24. Give up waiting until the last minute. – Those who fail to plan, plan to fail.
25. Give up being dramatic. – Stay out of other people’s drama and don’t needlessly create your own.
26. Give up being anti-athletic. – Get your body moving!  Simply take a long, relaxing walk or commit 30 minutes to an at-home exercise program like the P90X workout.
27. Give up junk food. – You are what you eat.
28. Give up eating as a means of entertainment. – Don’t eat when you’re bored.  Eat when you’re hungry.
29. Give up foolish habits that you know are foolish. – Don’t text and drive.  Don’t drink and drive.  Don’t smoke.  Etc.
30. Give up relationships with people who bring you down. – Saying “no” to right people gives you the time and resources required to say “yes” to right opportunities.  Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded.
31. Give up being shy. – Network with people.  Meet new people.  Ask questions.  Introduce yourself.
32. Give up worrying about what others think of you. – Unless you’re trying to make a great first impression (job interview, first date, etc.), don’t let the opinions of others stand in your way.  What they think and say about you isn’t important.  What is important is how you feel about yourself.
33. Give up trying to control everything. – Life is an unpredictable phenomenon.  No matter how good or bad things seem right now, we can never be 100% certain what will happen next.  So do you best with what’s in front of you and leave the rest to the powers above you.
34. Give up doing the same thing over and over again. – In order to grow, you must expand your horizons and break free of your comfort zone.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.
35. Give up following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t find the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary.
36. Give up persistent multi-tasking. – Do one thing at a time and do it right.
37. Give up thinking others are luckier than you. – The harder you work, the luckier you will become.
38. Give up filling every waking moment with commitments and activities. – It’s okay to be alone.  It’s okay to do nothing sometimes.  Think.  Relax. Breathe.  Be.
39. Give up making emotional decisions. – Don’t let your emotions trump your intelligence.  Slow down and think things through before you make any life-changing decisions.
40. Give up doing the wrong things just because you can get away with it. – Just because you can get away with something doesn’t mean you should do it.  Think bigger.  Keep the end in mind.  Do what you know in your heart is right.
41. Give up focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen.  Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
42. Give up taking yourself so seriously. – Few others do anyway.  So enjoy yourself and have a little fun while you can.
43. Give up spending your life working in a career field you’re not passionate about. – Life is too short for such nonsense.  The right career choice is based on one key point: Finding hard work you love doing.  So if you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop.  You’re on to something big.  Because hard work ain’t hard when you concentrate on your passions.
44. Give up thinking about the things you don’t have. – Appreciate everything you do have.  Many people aren’t so lucky.
45. Give up doubting others. – People who are determined do remarkable things.  Remember, the one who says it can’t be done should never interrupt the one doing it.
46. Give up fussing with every beauty product on the market. – Good looks attracts the eyes.  Personality attracts the heart.  Be proud to be you.  That’s when you’re beautiful.
47. Give up trying to fit in. – Don’t mold yourself into someone you’re not.  Be yourself.  Oftentimes, the only reason they want you to fit in is that once you do they can ignore you and go about their business.
48. Give up trying to be different for the sake of being different. – Nonconformity for the sake of nonconformity is conformity.  When people try too hard to be different, they usually end up being just like everyone else who is trying to be different.  Once again, be yourself.
49. Give up trying to avoid risk. – There’s no such thing as ‘risk free.’  Everything you do or don’t do has an inherent risk.
50. Give up putting your own needs on the back burner. – Yes, help others, but help yourself too.  If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.

And remember, mistakes make us human, failures help us grow, hope keeps us going and love is the reason we’re alive.  So keep learning, loving and living.  Never give up on yourself.

(Source: skinny-but-curvy)

// i have a boyfriend.//

i still feel like i’m psyching myself out by putting this on tumblr but like… i asked him. he said yes so it is official and short of some awkward break-up in the future we’re dating. i switched my ring cher gave me for my sixteenth to my left hand (cos celtic tradition dictates you wear your ring on the right if you’re single, left if you’re not) and it was like… a moment for me. cos i’ve been waiting since i was sixteen to be able to wear it on my left hand. 

but he’s just… ugh. he’s perfect. for me. he’s exactly like me (although he likes twilight and i told him we’re just never going to bring it up again) so picture a male-me to a tee and you have marc. he’s sweet, thoughtful, british, generous, he teases me, and he’s so fking cute!! 

we were texting this afternoon and he goes “i had so much trouble trying to sleep without you last night” and i told him how i used a pillow as a body substitute (leaving out the i normally curl up against pillows part) and he goes “i can’t tell you what i did i need to remain manly in your eyes” and i was like “well now you have to tell me” AND HE GOES “i rolled up my duvet so i could hug it!! :’)” -dies- 

our date was amazing. we can talk forever and never get tired of the subject (though i think i talk too much :$) and he had already promised to get me a hotel room only he failed to mention it was a room at the hilton to the tune of 99 pounds which is 160 canadian. i died a little on the inside. we saw a movie and had dinner (he took me to a mexican restaurant after i told him my best childhood memory was eating mexican and watching clash of the titans picnic style with my mom so he ‘wanted to bring a bit of home to me’) and then we spent the night at the hotel. 

the next day we went to the galleries of justice together and that was really cool… scoped out that we both wanted to do a ghost hunt there. leaving sucked cos i hate being 2 hours away and it costs me 20 quid to go out to notts everytime i want to see him. 

sljdfhlkjasdhf i’m so happy. i haven’t been this happy in… well, i can’t remember the last time. 

// i have a date on tuesday. //

we’re going to the movies and for dinner. my first date! :D

// And lastly. //

Marc.

So as I was leaving last night Marc asked me if I was ever going to come back to Nottingham and I said how I’d be back in March because I had tickets for Florence + the Machine. His jaw dropped and I just thought he was impressed cos they sold out pretty fast and he goes ‘so do we!’ and points to his sister. So I said ‘well, take my number we can meet for drinks before’ and so he took my number. Later he messaged me to ask if I had gotten my train okay and I said how the first one didn’t leave until 6:40 and he goes ‘oh well, if I had known that I would’ve stayed with you’. He then proceeded to text me the entire time I was on the train, and it was very flirtatious suggestive texts - I screencapped some so I can share haha…

I ended up falling asleep at one point though because I’d been up for 24 hours and I woke up and apologized for falling asleep on him and he said it was okay we’d had a long night. I asked him if he was tired and he says ‘yeah, but i was staying awake to keep you company on your train ride!’ -insert heart melt here- I told him to go to sleep that he could text me later and he’s like ‘it’s a done deal that i’m going to text you’ and we said goodnight. so then he texted me about an hour ago and we’ve been texting none stop. he’s so nice, sweet, hilarious, BRITISH, loves supernatural (likens himself to dean lmfao), is into the paranormal, loves movies and is old enough to be on the same maturity level as me. not to get ahead of myself but that’s like a checkmark in all my categories for ‘perfect man’.

ugh, i wish we didn’t live 2 hours apart.

// my first ghost hunt (all the details).//

last night i had the opportunity to do a ghost hunt in the ye olde salutation inn which is one of the oldest pubs in nottinghamshire.

alright so i began my night but taking my sweet ass time getting there. as i arrived everyone was heading into the caves to begin. roz was really nice and greeted me right away, taking me down after everyone. we all were led into the bottom most cave where we did the normal safety and behaviour talk. activity already started up as a few people felt as though they were being touched (even a skeptic said he felt touched which was really weird for him). the touching thing i’m a bit skeptical about just because it was the beginning of the night so nerves and excitement were settling in so the slightest draft could make your hair move and people just take it as a spirit because they expect it.

after we did that we got a super brief history of the sal just so we knew how far back these spirits could be coming from and jumped right into it. first lisa split us up and my group went with roz to see the other caves. i met laura and zoe at this point along with marc and rob. rob was laura’s husband and marc was zoe’s brother. they took me in and made me a part of their little group which was so nice although everyone was commending me for coming on my own. we did a bit of a brief tour of the caves when zoe suddenly said her stomach was aching horribly and as her pain went away another woman suddenly got a sick feeling in her stomach. everyone described them as ‘labour pains’. i didn’t so much have a stomach ache as i did get the onset of a bad migraine for about five minutes when it suddenly disappeared.

after that we went back down to the bottom cave to switch off groups. my group stood in a circle conducted by laura who cast a protection spell for us. after that we got to work with dowsing rods which were so cool! i want to get myself a pair they were so fun to try out although marc was laughing at me because my ‘no’ signal was the two rods crossing themselves so far it was like they were trying to cut my neck off. after we played with the dowsing rods for a bit everyone came back down and we turned off all the lights. the cave got really dark. everyone was sitting down around the edge and we started to call on spirits. one spot in front of laura and i got so cold but only in one place. i even had marc test it out. being in the dark for so long was strange because it’s hard to tell what’s your eyes playing tricks on you or what’s your imagination and most especially: what’s real. people were saying they were seeing faces and frankly so was i but i don’t know if that was just my eyes going all weird in the dark or whether it was true.

at one point though i did see a weird darker shadow go at laura and she said she felt threatened and that someone was standing right over her. lisa explained that when the lights go out that’s as dark as our vision gets so when we see dark shadows it has to be something cos it’s impossible for our vision to darken itself, it actually lightens itself which explains why you eventually ‘adjust’ to the darkness. i also saw the face of a man wearing a beaked mask which i explained to be similar to the types worn by the doctors during the bubonic plague outbreak. it turns out the cave was used to store bodies during the plague so that was a bit spooky. something also threw a stone at one of the girls. she screamed and we turned on the torches and she found a stone laying right beside her where it had landed. no one could’ve gotten up to find a stone because you would’ve heard it and we were all sitting so close together someone would’ve felt the other person’s arm move. we threw the stone back and tried to make them do it again but nothing happened.

i got a really bad wash over of being angry at one point while we were down in the dark. i felt as though someone close to me (and let me just say i’ve always said i’m empathic and very sensitive to the emotions of others. i pick up on them really easily and they affect me quite heavily) was very, very, very pissed off. i had to like sit with my head in my hands cos i just felt so mad. at one point too we all began experiencing ‘loss of vision’ where it felt like our eye sight had gone completely. i could’ve sworn at one point that had they turned the lights on i would’ve still been unable to see anything because my eyes were just so messed up at that point.

eventually lisa asked us all to be quiet so we could see if we could hear anything really spooky but people kept talking and describing what they were feeling. i wasn’t sure if i had been thinking it myself or if someone else had said it but i distinctively heard “you’re not going to hear anything if you don’t shut the fuck up.” i didn’t think anyone else had heard it so i decided to keep it to myself when later during break someone else mentioned how she had heard someone say that and she had assumed it was her brother but he denied having said it. asking around we found no one had said it so that was particularly strange. going back down into the caves we continued to talk and experience a bunch of other things until lisa decided to split us up into small groups again.

i went upstairs to the second floor cave with laura, zoe, rob and marc. marc decided he wanted to go down the forgotten stairwell by himself and see if he could get any readings on the k2 meter while laura, zoe, rob and i were doing a vigil in this little room a stone’s throw from him. and suddenly while we were talking this white light appeared on the wall. so we asked rob if it was a reflection of something coming from downstairs because whatever they had been doing was reflecting up at us occasionally (and they were being very loud!) but he said there was no lights so we were like ‘oh man this is something’ so we got talking more to see if we could get an answer and i said it looked like a smear of blood on the wall when the light suddenly got brighter in response. the three of us all screamed and rob stood up to see what we were seeing and he blocked the source of the light haha it was fake but we nearly pissed ourselves in fright!

after that we decided there was nothing happening in that spot so laura and zoe went over to this little alcove by rosie’s toys while rob and i stood at the top of the stairs talking to marc who hadn’t gotten much. the k2 was sitting at orange but occasionally fluctuating back down to green (nothing). so he said he was going to go and suddenly the reader went off to orange again so he said he’d stay there a bit. we taunted the ghost because i knew there was a dark presence down there (will post pix) so we assumed it was male but when that didn’t elicit a reaction we thought hm maybe it’s a child. so i tossed marc a teddy and he tried ‘playing’ with it but again nothing happened so he came back up. as he was coming up he set the teddy on the lower ledge and left it.

at that point we all went upstairs (we meaning the entire group, all 22 of us) and started doing vigils in the main pub. we had ouiji boards and tables out for table tipping but i was finding i was getting nothing. it was quite disheartening because i usually always get responses on ouiji boards but not this time. so i moved around like a social butterfly and saw everything. down in the cellar though my shoulder started to ache like i’d dislocated it or something and i got a sort’ve sense that i was picking up on something. someone had been tortured and hurt down here and roz mentioned there was a woman who was in labour down in the cellar. but before she mentioned anything else i knew immediately that her heart had broken in some way and at the thought of the baby i was like ‘she miscarried’ but roz said the baby was born stillborn because she’d been tortured by this man.

after that we left the cellar and a lot of people were up on the second floor doing a ouiji session that seemed to be working. we went up to watch them and rob was walking around trying to get a read on his k2 when i mentioned that lisa had told me to go to the ladies toilet and try a vigil there. so i took him over to the women’s washroom and went to open the door but it felt as though some adult was leaning against it. immediately i assumed it was the gentleman i had first gone into the bathroom with earlier who had returned for a second try so i jostled the door a bit to try and show him i wanted to come in and then pushed again but once more all my weight and the bloody thing wouldn’t move. so i was like okay maybe it’s stuck and checked to see but the door was cracked open like a centimeter and i was like okay that’s really weird. i went to shove again, still thinking it was caught on something and the door flew open with ease and i propelled myself into the room right into the next wall. rob saw the whole thing cos i turned and i was like ‘that door wasn’t opening a minute ago right?’ and he was like ‘you were shoving for all you were worth’ - cos i was. we checked all the stalls but no one was there and there was only one exit.

after that marc and i decided to go back down to the caves because we both felt nothing was really happening up in the main bit of the pub. we both went down and sat by the forgotten stairwell we were going to do a vigil but both ended up talking about why we were there and what we wanted out of the experience. it was nice, just chatting we bonded quite a bit in that 30 minutes alone. when the rest of the group reappeared to go down into the bottom cave for the last vigil we stood and saw that the teddy had been replace on the upper most part of the ledge. we asked the group if they’d touched the teddy and everyone claimed that they hadn’t.

we then got the seven men in the group to form a circle, seven’s a powerful supernatural number and accordingly there were 7 evil men who used to gather in the caves to do rituals, and we put a woman in the middle. we then recited the lord’s prayer to get the ghosts going and the room definitely got darker and colder. the girls all didn’t feel good when they stood in the middle because the women were always sacrificed by these men apparently but the guys said they didn’t really feel anything happening to them. after a while we realized nothing was happening and the lights came back on and we all clapped in thanks for a good night. lots of things happened, some i think were debateable but then others i know happened and i don’t kid about this stuff i take it very seriously.

// i hate bodington. //

and that felt good to get off my chest.

// i’ve been sick.//

so there really hasn’t been much to blog about since i’ve been lying in bed watching movies. in this time though i’ve had a lot of time to think about everything and i realized that despite my plan to come here and experience everything england had to offer i was holding myself back with a variety of fears.

1. what people will think of me
2. whether there’s someone to go with me
3. what people have been thinking of me
4. whether i’m annoying people in my actions

none of it was very rational i realized considering however grim this thought is we can’t deny it’s truth: chances are i probably won’t see a lot of these people again. yeah we’ll have facebook but after these six months i’m going to have so many other adventures and plans in my life that if we were to run into each other i doubt they’ll even recall something insignificant and small i did in the heat of a drunken moment. as for companionship, i don’t really need it. coming here was a journey i needed to do alone anyways so why not do things on my own and meet people along the way with likeminded attitudes. i’m not going to find myself in a group of people where i feel obligated to oblige to social stigmas, i’m going to find myself walking through the highlands, reveling in the history and beauty around me and sharing a moment by myself. as for what people have been thinking of me i’ve come to realize the people who are genuinely affected by who i am/what i’ve done aren’t going to talk to me again and that’s their loss. truthfully this was a lesson i learned a long time ago but i forgot about it. the people who think things in the moment but don’t really give a shit later on will still be there when i call and say ‘hey, wanna hang out?’ and as for the annoying bit well… how else do you make friends unless you go around sticking your nose into everything and forcing yourself on people. if i sit back and wait for people to come to me they’ll think i’m not interested, it’s not annoying it’s just proactive and i have to remember that.

all in all i might’ve spent the last week dying from influenza and a variety of other things but i got the chance to reassess the reason why i’m here. why i’m doing this and what i want from this experience. i’m not going to hold back anymore because holding back won’t be making the most of this adventure. if i go about it alone - so i go about it alone in 7 months time i’m coming home to the people who do matter and who do care who are sharing this adventure with me through this medium. it’ll be nice to make some friends for life but i’ve only been here three weeks and let’s be honest… in three weeks of living in waterloo i definitely hadn’t become good friends with the kkk and megs yet so in terms of reality i think i’m doing good so far considering my initiation into the boys’ group.

speaking of, i also had the revelation that tom and his boys are basically me and my girls back home which was kind’ve hilarious.

tom (my mentor) is me.

tom (pendi) is megan (only we don’t hate your guts and you’re not a juvinile prick).

will is kaila.

gaz is kelly.

hage is jessie.

i spent a lot of medicine induced hazes thinking about this. it makes a lot of sense to me and it makes a lot of sense in terms of how the world works. ask and ye shall receive. i wanted my best friends and i found them… with penises.

// last night was the worst night so far.//

it started out good but it all went downhill from there. i went out with tom and his flatmates for pub night and that was loads of fun. met two new girls which is nice to finally have someone to spend with for girl time though i may be getting ahead of myself there. near the end i was chatting with ben, a friend of tom’s, and as we made our way outside to leave we were still joking and talking and tom, the guy i hooked up with, goes ‘careful mate she might try and sleep with you.’ he then proceeded to go on and make a ton of cracks about me right in front of me and any time i tried to defend myself or someone tried to defend me he’d start laughing like a maniac. matt didn’t help either, he’s one of the flatmates too, cos he was saying things to encourage tom. i eventually kicked him in the shin, i hope there’s a bruise. at that point tom, my mentor, walked us away to take me to the bus stop and kept apologizing about tom. he said how everyone’s starting to get a bit sick of him but that didn’t make me feel any better. i’m supposed to go out with them tonight and i fear if i don’t go it’ll be like letting him win which of course i don’t want to do. but i don’t know how i’m supposed to face them after everything he said.